Category Archives: Acceptance

Acceptance…… “I just want to make you happy”

Having a toddler can help you reflect a lot on yourself….   I know I have always struggled with acceptance and who I am as an individual.  I am starting to see some of that in my daughter and it scares me a little.  When we tell her that she did something that made us sad or the like she will say, “I just want to make you happy”…..  It breaks your heart when you hear those words out of your child’s mouth.

We all have a part in us that so longs to be accepted, to be loved for who we are.   I think this is something that we as followers of Christ often forget to address in our relationships with others.  We forget that we are God’s hand and feet and a vessel in which others can feel and know God’s love.  As a parent I know that I need to make sure that my daughter knows that I love her, despite the times she tests my patience or disobeys.  I never want her to go to bed after a long day thinking that I don’t love her.  I am trying my best to invest time into her with “daddy dates” to show her that I care and love her.  I am trying to follow up discipline with a small chat, saying sorries and hugging with an “I love you” attached.

Part of my struggles go back to feeling loved and accepted.  Not just by my parents but by those who were “my friends”, older adults around me, people who I looked up to.  I think we need to all be aware that we ALL have the need to be accepted.  I want my daughter to grow up knowing always that she is loved and accepted.  I want her to have that confidence.

What can you do to instill that confidence in those around you?

Do you have friends who will pour that into you?

How has this battle for acceptance/love hurt you? What part has it played in your bad decisions?

We are always growing and changing.  We all will have times that we are strong and times that we are weak. We need to all know that God Loves us (John 3:16, I John 4:7, 10-11).  It is so easy to say and we all still desire for others to show us that we are loved and accepted.  We are humans in a fallen world.

Know that you are loved and accepted by the Father and giver of life.  Take time to ponder that, but also to ponder how you can spread His love and acceptance to those who need to hear it around you.

~tfkr

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How much do you push others?

Over the past few years I’ve had the problem with friendships of, ok you said you wanted to do something but you won’t respond…..

How much do we push/pull those we are in relationship with?  When do we just throw up our hands?

I don’t want to be the “annoying” person who is nagging people to do things they said they want to do.  But I also don’t want to be the friend who just doesn’t care and doesn’t do anything.

So I’m in a tough spot…..

I have friends who want to hang but show no motiviation to connect.  Friends who have mutual goals with me but don’t respond to trying to put a plan in action…….

What am I to do?   Is it the good old three strikes and your out?  Do I need to take a more confrontational approach (ie making phone calls instead of emails/text?)?  Do I just sit back and leave the ball in the other persons court?

I want friends that pursue me and care about me, and I thought the way to help nurture that was to do the same for them.  But apparently that doesn’t work anymore….  I don’t want to drive people away but I do want to encourage people to grow and to be in community.

Part of me again wants to throw up my hands and says who cares……

I know what I need to do when people pursue me.  I need to respond and be involved not just fluff it off……

So whats your thoughts? What do you do?

~tfkr


Self Esteem/Identity

Its been one of those weeks where this topic has been hitting me in many ways.  It started off in a small group conversation that boiled down to the fact that one of the area’s I have struggles with in allowing God full control is that of my self esteem and natural responses to the situations I’m in. Then it went from this conversation to a discussion with a mentor about it, to a sermon, and then talking with a good buddy.

Self esteem and my Identity were things that I was really conscious of during High School, but it is something that I have thought of less and less as an adult.  We all know that during High School years the battle is to fit in, to be accepted, to be “Cool”.  I know that I struggled greatly with this during my High School years and the years to follow.  Its something that for the most part I don’t think of day to day anymore.  However I have been reminded that this battle of my self esteem/identity makes up a large part of who I am.  It affects greatly how I relate to others, handle situations, and various other areas of life that I struggle with.  I know that it affects everyone differently, but we must remember that no matter how put together we appear, everyone has an issue of their self esteem and identity.

I was surprised when one person in the group discussion said they were surprised that I struggled with this.  They thought that I was more of the type that would say “If you don’t like me thats your problem, get lost”.  It just reminded me that we come off to others differently than we do to ourselves.  It was a good reminder as it also prompted me to remind myself and others that we all have hurts and need to be accepted.

God hit me on the head with this issue and what I need to do to continue to work on it this Sunday.  Jeff our Senior pastor preached from Ephesians 1:3-14.  Jeff preaches alot of great sermons, but this one in particular hit me on the head.  He spoke directly to the fact that we need to connect our Identity to our relationship with God and nothing else.  He used three images found in this passage.  They are that of being Adopted by God (vs. 5), Redemption (vs. 7), and Sealing (vs. 13). It was powerful to be reminded that I am adopted by God, that it is His pleasure to have me as His son.  Also that God was willing to buy me at a price, the price of his Son’s blood.  Just a great reminder that we are valuable.  And that we are sealed, like in the early days and times of Ephesus were things were sealed with a crest or emblem marking the ownership of the item.  We are marked as Children of God, and we are HIS>

Jeff finished the sermon with a great phrase:

“He adopted me, He bought me, I’m His!”

Remember that today and everyday.  Write it on your arm, your heart, your mind, your desk, your dashboard.  Remeber that you are a Child of God, you matter to Him.

Seek Him in every situation and know when the Devil hits you over the head that you can fight back and know that you are a child of God and are deeply loved.  Don’t fall for his lies!


Social Media

So I’m at an interesting point with Social Media, well as least with Twitter (guess that can be said as its the only one I can get at my main job).

I love being able to see ideas, questions, comments, and cool new innovative ways to do things by people around the world. The struggle I’m facing is, do I continue to embrace this “technology” or do I run from it? So many people have only 1 account that they use for both their ministry/industry as well as for their personal lives. Some people have taken the route of having two with one devoted to ministry or industry and the other for personal friends/followers.
I question if my time is well spent reading/following the people who post things about being unable to sleep, can’t find this or that, or other “personal” things that truly appeal to me, they may a points have things though that are very important or necessary for me to see. I don’t mind the occasional but I guess i’m also personally starting to revamp how I use things like Twitter. I started using it for both personal and work stuff, but now am revamping gradually ( it takes time, its an addiction) to use it just for work/ministry/things that make me grow.
So what do I do? Help!
What do you do when you want to see what a person has to saw, but really don’t want to filter through their personal life? Do you unfollow? What if its a person close to you that you need to know things from? What is the proper etiquette? Do people actually notice or care if you unfollow them? Should we all adopt a way of using Twitter? I know its designed for quick updates of whats going on in life, but have we gone to far? Is there certain way that I can find a way to easily filter on the web, pc and mac out the stuff I don’t care about?
I’m a computer nerd at heart and find it hard to figure out how to handle this. I’m afraid I might miss something I need to hear or know . I’m trying to figure out a personal motive and proper use of Twitter, ect. Sort of my own guidelines on how to use it.
I’ve backed off from Facebook a ton, and since I have limited access to things at my primary job its hard to manage what little information I do get.
Have we as a society gone too far?
What reasons are we using Twitter and similar services? Is it just to show off and lets others see how busy and important we are? How cool we are? Is it to boost our own frail ego’s? Or are we truly seeking to share knowledge and information and ideas? I honestly think there are people on both sides of the gamut. I hope that people realize I’m trying to share information and stuff. I have nothing to boast of. Honestly I know few people who truly care that deeply about my personal life to really be interested in my Twitter feed…. I do try to share some tips or techniques that I’ve found ministry/industry wise. I think we as users of technology have to be ware of the dangers of the technology. Not just dangers for us but others. I think it could potentially become a stalker/crime issue, people are basically being peeping toms into our lives, there is no bounds unless you secure your updates.
The Internet is truly blurring the public and private sectors of our lives. We need to make a decision as the user of where that line will stop. As a parent I have to make that decision as I need to protect my family.
Think about it…. Does everyone have to know what your doing at all times? where you are? Where I am at? Are we that stinking important? Think of this….. We the general public have no exact clue where the President is always at….. He’s a bit more important than we are….
Whats your thoughts? Comments? Questions? Ideas?

I know I’m being a bit extreme but I think its something we all need to serious think about….
~tfkr

Acceptance?? Patience Please…. Contentment??

So, I’ve been struggling with issues of acceptance again. Guess one never really truly gets over it. I know back in high school I always wanted to fit in and just for some reason never really did, at least thats my perception. I have tons of friends or for the most part: Acquitances. If you were to look at my Facebook you’d see a large list of people that I “know”. There are few that really “know” me. I have people that I work closely with at my job and church, but yet in many ways I feel light years apart. I’m around people almost constantly. I’m a people person. I know it drives my wife nuts becuase there are times when we need to just be home and be family, but there is a stir in me to be active and out and about around other people.

So whats my problem? Do I not feel accepted? Am I just not content? Its honestly a deep deep question. I can only hit some of it on the head.

I think that first and foremost I have always felt that I did not quite fit into any particular group of people. There were always people who let me be around, tag along, or in my head “put up with me”. And I think I still feel this way. I know that some of it has to do with my personality, my way of getting work done, and my desire to do things to my best and learn from my experiences. I crave feedback to know that what I’m doing is right, that others notice me, and that well….. I’m liked. I know that we all need to feel loved, accepted, liked…….. What I’m about to say is stinking hard to heard, to accept and to live by, but know what………. IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT GOD THINKS!…. and He gave His only son for me, so I better accept it, God Loves me, Likes me, Accepts me…..

So I think it comes down to contentment. I have to learn to accept where I’m at, my situation, my life. God will bring the people into my life that I need… I know He already has with certain people that are special to me for different reasons (ie. my wife, my daughter, Remy, Joe, Andy, Dave, Chad a vendor I deal with…..) So i know that people do like me and accept me as me. So whats my problem? I guess being content with those people God has put in my life and not feeling that people I work with have to be “good friends” or beyond the acquintance level. I have to accept that I can only truly handle so many close friends. If you ask my wife, our schedules are busy crazy…. and becuase of it I haven’t been able to nurture the deep friendships I have, the ones that I really need to, the ones that help energize me and give me life to live each and every day.

So What do “I” need to do?
1. Learn to take joy in other peoples opportunities to venture out, network and have a good time…. my turn will come in due time….
2. See the networking tools I use as a blessing to see what God is doing around the world, and not a place for jealousy.
3. Learn to be content with where God has put me!
4. Pour into the relationships that matter, the one’s God is truly calling me to care about!

So what have you learned?
Are you content?
Are you building those up around you? Even those acquitance/peer/associate relationships around you?
Are you seeking approval form man or from GOD?

Take some time to sit back and thank God for what He has given you, to give you contentment and find joy in that which He has provided. Its not about US all the time. Its all about Him.

To those around me….. Thanks for your patience…. Being human in this broken world is messy….

~tfkr